Loneliness
by omeceela
Summary: Soulmate AU. Short Two-shot. Growing up, Harry and Neville took comfort in the dark lettering that circled their wrists. 'On the days Harry found himself curled up in his cupboard, shivering from the cold and heartache, he would stare at the fine, black words for hours.' Please R&R
1. Chapter 1

"Sorry, but have you seen a toad at all?"

On the days Harry found himself curled up in his cupboard, shivering from the cold and heartache, he would stare at the fine, black words for hours. They formed a delicate bracelet around his wrist, the letters linked together in a graceful cursive, and Harry knew the words better than he knew his own name.  
When Harry was younger, before he could read, he had once tentatively asked his Aunt Petunia what the words around his wrist said, not really expecting an answer. As expected, her lips pursed sourly in annoyance, before she read it out quickly in a sharp tone. Before Harry could really process the words, as well as the fact that she had actually answered one him at all, she had hastily continued "but don't get your hopes up boy, sometimes people don't ever get to meet the person to say their words. Sometimes they die before they meet their soul mates, and so people just have to settle down and make do with what they find; make their own perfect little family."  
She quickly glanced down at her wrist, the faded grey words barely legible even in the right light, and her eyes softened in sadness and regret for a split second, before returning to their usual bitterness as she looked at Harry again. "What are you still doing standing around here," she sneered, "get back outside and finish your weeding."

From that point on, Harry would check his words every day, terrified that the one person in the world who was made to love him would leave him alone before he could ever meet them. He would trace his words with his fingers, mouthing them softly, wondering why anyone would be looking for a toad, and imagining the type of voice that would read the words out. He hoped they had a kind voice, nothing like Uncle Vernon's loud, angry voice or Aunt Petunia's, high, sharp one.

The years passed, and every morning before he made the Dursley's breakfast, and every night before he went to bed, he would check his words just to reassure himself that yes, he would find someone who would love him, and he wouldn't stay in this cruel home that wasn't really his home forever.

* * *

The day of his 11th birthday was the best day he could ever remember himself having, as he was finally told that yes, he was special. He wasn't a freeloading freak whose parents didn't love him enough to stay with him; his parents had loved him. They'd loved him so much that they'd died for him. And his heart warmed with hope, as he learnt of a whole new world filled with magic, where he could make himself a different person, a person that had friends that couldn't be scared away from Dudley, and a school where he could do well without fear of punishment from the Dursley's.  
When Hagrid noticed his bare wrist whilst shopping in diagonal alley, he frowned slightly before saying "Hmm, yer can't have yer soulmate's words hangin' about can ye'. With you being as famous as ye' are, who knows what people would do if they saw 'em." Harry frowned at him in confusion. "Ya see, ye' need to make sure they're actually your soulmate's. People have been known for readin' celebrity's words and sayin' em just to try 'n get some fame." Harry was horrified. The thought that the first person to say his words to him might actually not be his soulmate, the person he'd waited his whole life to meet, was beyond terrifying.  
And so, he allowed Hagrid to take him back to Madame Malkin's, where he bought a dark blue strap to tie around his wrist. He didn't like it very much, as he now couldn't look at his words easily for reassurance that his soulmate was still out there for him to meet. To this day, Aunt petunia's sad eyes still haunted him. But he kept it on anyway, wanting, needing to make sure he could be confident his soulmate didn't just want him for his apparent fame, the fame he didn't understand or even want. He'd choose parents who loved him and cared for him over people pretending they knew everything about him any day, but he didn't tell the big, friendly man any of this. After all, Harry knew that wanting something was pointless.

* * *

When Harry finally got onto the Hogwarts Express, his heart was pumping loudly in his ears and his hands were jittery with nerves. What if no one liked him? What if he was just as lonely at this school as he was at his old one, with no friends to talk to? His worried thoughts were interrupted by a lanky red headed boy, who asked "Anyone sitting here?" And Harry made his very first friend.  
Later on, after they'd bonded over a cart full of candy, the compartment door opened again, and a nervous looking round faced boy said "Sorry, but have you seen a toad at all?" Harry's heart stopped. He shook his head mutely before the boy, his soulmate wailed "I've lost him! He keeps getting away from me!" Harry finally found his voice again, and stuttered out "He'll turn up".  
The boy looked at him so quickly Harry was sure he'd hurt his neck. And they smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

The day Neville learnt what words were was the same day he noticed the light lettering wrapped around his Gran's wrist as she reached for her cup of tea during one of their many quiet evenings together. Too scared to ask about them, he sat quietly on the floor and stared intensely at them, trying to put the letters together to understand what word was made, just as he was taught. Just as he made out the 'excuse me,' his Gran noticed his staring and quickly covered her wrist with the sleeve of her robe.  
Blushing at being caught, Neville had immediately looked down at his lap, waiting for the lecture about how he shouldn't stare and behave as the young lord he was. A soft 'Neville' came from his Gran's lips, followed by a more commanding 'come sit by me'.

To the day he died, Neville always remembered the following conversation with vivid detail. It wasn't often his Gran spoke to him with patience, and the realisation that he wouldn't be a lonely little boy forever was one of the happiest moments of his life.  
In his loneliest moments as he grew up, he often rubbed the small "He'll turn up" with reverence, wondering what his soulmate was doing at that moment and if they were lonely too.

As he met the wide green eyes of the boy opposite him, Neville knew he would never be lonely again.

* * *

The next few years at Hogwarts were both the most comforting and terrifying years of his life.

When Harry returned his remembrall from Malfoy as he recovered from his broken wrist, Neville promised himself that no matter what, he was going to always protect the scrawny boy with strong green eyes with his life. When Neville found Harry in the hospital wing after a night of lying stiffly in the common room, he knew he had failed.  
And he failed year after year after year as Harry kept putting himself in danger without a second thought. With each little adventure, in the darkest corners of his mind, Neville started to wonder if Harry even cared about him.  
At first, he had thought that he and Harry were soulmates because they both understood the true meanings of loneliness.  
By his fifth year, he wasn't so sure.  
Did he not understand that seeing him disappearing and coming back all sorts of injured every year broke a little bit of Neville's heart every time? That having to force himself to stop looking at his wrist as he wondered if he was going to spend the rest of his life alone made him so scared he had to force himself to stop thinking about it?  
When Harry tried to stop him going to the Ministry with him, all the years worth of worries and fears broke out of the tightly wound ball he kept them in, and Neville snapped. And he screamed at him. He yelled, as loud as he could, everything that had been haunting him for the past few years, before saying as calmly as he could, "I'm coming with you". He noticed it was quiet. Wide eyed, Harry nodded, and they took the thestrals to save Harry's godfather.

When Neville woke up in the hospital wing, he panicked. Trying to sit up, he found Harry lying in a bed next to him, asleep with tears on his face, and he was so relieved he would have collapsed had he not already been lying down. For as long as he could, he stared at Harry's face, memorising everything he could. When Harry finally opened his eyes, Neville whispered a hoarse "I'm so sorry about Sirius, Harry." Harry just stared at him, until he finally whispered "I understand. I promise." Confused, Neville went to ask what he was talking about, but before he could say anything, Harry continued "about what you said before. About being scared of losing me." Clearing his throat, he sat up and limped closer to Neville, sitting next to him on his bed. "Seeing you being tortured by Bellatrix, I don't think I've ever been never more scared in my life. Never. I promise you, Neville, I understand now."  
Finding his voice lost, Neville merely nodded. Before he could blink, he suddenly found Harry's lips on his. And his heart soared.

* * *

When Hagrid came out of the forbidden forest with Harry in his arms, Neville knew he would never be happy again. He felt his heart break into a million pieces and slowly shrivel up as he saw Harry's glasses lying lopsided on his lapse face. He had promised him. He had promised that he wouldn't leave him alone, and yet he was gone. And all of a sudden, he was furious. Furious at Harry, furious at Voldemort, at the world and everyone in it, but mostly at himself. He had failed. Again. And this time there was no coming back. And so Neville fought back when everyone stood silent, and forced himself to continue fighting and fighting and fighting, finally killing Nagini, just as Harry had told him to. All hell broke loose, and he fought with all his soul.

At the end of the battle, Neville quietly left the great hall, unable to join the rest in their celebration. Harry was alive. He walked and walked and walked, repeating the thought over and over again in his head, before he found himself in one of the towers. Suddenly exhausted, he slid against the wall of the tower, and sat, watching the sun slowly making it's progression across the morning sky. Before too long, he heard footsteps approaching, and he turned to look who it was. As Harry noticed him, his whole body seemed to lift, as if a great weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He sat against the wall with Neville, but said nothing. They had plenty of time to talk about everything that had happened. They had the rest of their lives.

Holding hands, their words dark against their wrists, they sat quietly together, watching the sky as life began anew.

* * *

A/N  
Well, that was the end of my first fic.  
Super duper cheesy, but oh well.  
I've always loved Soulmate AU's and I found Neville and Harry to be a weird but cute ship of mine.  
Please leave a review, criticism is welcome.  
Thanks! :D


End file.
